


Don't Leave Me Behind

by scarletsaber (sushibunny)



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Fixing Canon, Haru is a Ball of Issues, If Makoto and Haru had Actually Talked About Their Issues, If The Fight Had Ended Differently, M/M, Makoto Has No Self Confidence My Poor Baby, Mostly Makoto Related Issues, Pining, References to Starting Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 23:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9408194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sushibunny/pseuds/scarletsaber
Summary: What if Makoto hadn't let Haru run away after their fight? What if they kept talking? What if they both realized some unexpected things?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those ideas I've been working on on and off for months now and was finally inspired to finish it up today. 
> 
> Hopefully this is a much more satisfying ending to S2E11 for you as well ;)

Makoto reached out quickly, managing to grab Haru's wrist just before he could run out of reach. His heart pounded a frantic rhythm in his chest as his grip firmed around the slender arm. “Haru! Wait!”

Haru turned his head to look back, eyes cold and glare still in place. “Let go of me, Makoto.”

Makoto narrowed his own eyes, a sense of determination washing over him and adrenaline fueling him as he glared back, ignoring the harsh tone. “No.”

That took Haru by surprise, his blue eyes going wide and stiff stance going slack. “What?”

“I said ‘no,’ Haru. I'm not letting you run away from me- from your problems- anymore.”

Haru's glare returned at those words, and he gave a futile yet determined yank of his arm. “I told you to mind your own business. Now leave me alone.” His voice was bitter and Makoto could tell there was more there than just what Haru said, but as was becoming increasingly frequent as of late, he wasn't able to read Haru well enough to figure it out.

Makoto continued talking as if Haru hadn't spoken, putting aside the hurt of not being able to understand his best friend and the ache of Haru's cruel words for the moment. “Do you remember, back in middle school? When you confronted me about how I wasn't acting like myself, and how you thought I was trying to change unnecessarily?”

Haru was silent but Makoto saw recognition flit across his features for a moment.

“You wouldn't let me keep pretending everything was okay then and I'm not going to let you do the same now.” Makoto's serious expression broke, finally letting his desperation and pain rise to the surface. “I meant what I said back then and I meant what I said earlier: I love you, Haru. And I don't want to see you throw everything away just because it's difficult to think about.”

The words were surprisingly easy to say, slipping past his lips as if he said them every day. And maybe he did- just not out loud. It probably helped no small amount that Haru would not hear them as Makoto truly meant; he would hear friendship where Makoto meant so, so much more- just like he had back then too. _It’s better this way_ , he told himself- unconvincingly.

Haru's arm went limp in Makoto's grip, his eyes downcast as the angry expression left him. He looked utterly broken to Makoto and it hurt his heart to see Haru that way.

“I know it's hard. It took me a long time and a lot of thinking to decide what I wanted to do after high school ends. And it's scary. I know how much you hate change, Haru. But some things are inevitable. We won't be students forever. Someday we'll have to grow up.”

Haru looked up at him with such a hollow, defeated look that Makoto hurried to continue.

“But I want to help you, Haru! If you'll just let me in! I promise not to try and talk you into going pro- I would never want you to do something you didn't want to do. I know you're not Rin; that's not your dream. That's okay. And maybe you really don't have one, and that's okay too. I'll help you look for one. I'll help you as long as it takes, as long as you’ll let me. I-I care about you Haru, very much, and I'd do anything I can to make you happy!”

There was a long silence in which Makoto hoped he had finally gotten through to his friend, had finally convinced Haru it would be okay, if only he would try. But then Haru spoke, voice soft yet still cutting, and his hopes vanished.

“But you only mean until high school ends, right? How long you'll help me look for a dream. Because after that you'll be gone. To Tokyo,” Haru said bitterly, refusing to meet Makoto's gaze.

“Haru, I…” Makoto began, not really knowing what to say until a sudden thought struck him. “Is that what this is about? Are you… Are you upset because you think I'm leaving you behind?” The sudden jerk of Haru's head to look up at him gave Makoto his answer. “Haru, no, that's not- I'd never leave you behind! If anyone is being left it's me.”

Haru's brows furrowed, clearly confused at the statement. “What do you mean by that?”

Makoto felt himself flush, not having meant to say that to Haru- not ever. _Stupid_.“I- it's just…” When Haru continued to stare at him unflinchingly, Makoto sighed, forcing himself to continue. “When it comes to swimming, I'm no match for Haru. I'm not on your level- yours and Rin's. I learned that during our race. Well, I've always known it, really- the race just confirmed it. But the point is you could keep swimming if you wanted to- you could make it in that world. But I never could, and I'd just be holding you back if I tried. So I'd be the one left behind. Not that I mind, of course! It's only to be expected.”

Haru's cold stare broke at his confession, a pained expression taking over. “That's not true.” The words were quiet but harsh, almost rough as if Haru spat them out in distaste.

Makoto gave a sad smile, grip finally going loose and falling from around Haru's wrist. The small spark of joy he felt when Haru made no move to leave was overpowered by his sense of resigned bitterness, however. “It is and it's not helping either of us for you to deny it, Haru.” His eyes fell to the ground, idly watching the flashes of light from the still going fireworks display play across the puddles on the concrete. “I've accepted it, it's fine, really.”

“It's not fine!”

Makoto looked up, startled by Haru's raised voice. Haru looked upset again, angry like before, but more focused and determined, not lost like earlier.

“Makoto is a great swimmer!” Haru declared, glaring at Makoto as if to dare him to deny it again. “And if you spent half the time you did helping Gou create training regimens, wrangling Nagisa, and helping Rei on your own swim practice, you’d be even better. That stupid race didn't prove anything- except maybe your poor decision making! You don't have the stamina or pacing for 200m, especially on a stroke you don't specialize in. You should have raced me in the 100m if you wanted to prove anything about your swimming skill.”

Makoto wasn't sure if he'd ever heard Haru speak as much as he was that night, and he was fairly certain he shouldn't be feeling oddly pleased at the extra attention, negative as it was. He would blame that strangeness on what he let slip next. “I couldn't race in the 100, Haru.”

Haru's glare turned puzzled. “Why not?”

“You know why.” Makoto refused to meet his eyes.

“No. I don't. Explain it to me.”

“Haru…”

“Tell me why!”

“Because that's yours and Rin's race!” Makoto blurted out, wincing immediately after. “I… There's no place for me there.”

There was a long silence before Haru spoke again. “You're an idiot.”

“Eh?” That had not at all been what he'd expected.

“When have I ever said such a thing?” Haru continued, refusing to let up.

Sighing, Makoto resigned himself to answering. “It's not something you have to say. It just… It's implied.”

Haru looked at him as if he were crazy and Makoto supposed he was for letting himself be drawn into something he knew couldn't end well for him or his heart.

“You and Rin have this… thing when you race. It's like you're both in your own little world.” Makoto looked up, daring to catch Haru's gaze for a moment. “And there's no place for me there.”

“You really are an idiot.”

Makoto huffed out a sharp breath. “Enough, Haru-”

“There's always a place for Makoto next to me.”

All the annoyance he felt was knocked out of him as Haru's words hit him like a punch to the gut. “... _What_?”

Haru was frowning, looking irritated that he even had to say anything; and he probably was, Makoto realized. “You've always been there with me, by my side. Why should swimming be different?” Haru met his eyes with a determined look. “You're the one who got me into swimming in the first place, it only makes sense.”

Makoto felt his heart clench, and he wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. “Haru…”

Suddenly Haru's scowl returned and he looked off to the side. “But I guess that's changing too. Cause you won't be next to me for much longer, will you? You'll be in Tokyo.”

His words were so bitter and sad, Makoto couldn't help what he said next; it was quickly becoming a bad habit. “Then come with me. To Tokyo.”

Head whipping back to look at Makoto with surprise, Haru stared at him, open mouthed and wide eyed. “What?”

Figuring he had nothing left to lose, Makoto continued, grasping onto the tiny hope that arose inside him when Haru didn't immediately laugh at the suggestion. “Come with me. You can go to school there too. You have the grades for it and I know you can get a swimming scholarship if you wanted. And I'm not saying to do that to go pro, but to swim like we are now- for fun and for the love of the sport- and the water in your case. And you can figure out a dream there; it's as good a place as any. Just… think about it. Then I won't be leaving you behind.” _Then we can still be together_ , he didn't say.

Haru was quiet for a long minute, staring contemplatively out at the sea. “But what about you?” he finally asked, confusing Makoto once more.

“Me? I'd be in Tokyo with you, of course. What-”

“No,” Haru interrupted, looking back at Makoto with renewed determination in his shining blue eyes. “What about me leaving you?”

Makoto frowned, confused. “I don't understand. If you come too then neither of us is leaving-”

“With swimming. Leaving you behind in that world, I mean.”

 _Oh_. Makoto understood what Haru meant finally, though he had no idea how to answer to Haru's satisfaction. “Ah, well, that doesn't matter. It's not important, really. I'll still have Haru, after all.”

“It _does_ matter. _Makoto_ matters. _Makoto_ is important.” Haru’s usual monotone was full of emotion, and it made Makoto's chest ache. “You should still swim too. Rin mentioned the scouts to me, the ones interested in you.”

Makoto felt himself blush. “That, um, that doesn't really matter, since I don't plan to go pro and all-”

“It can still pay for school,” Haru interrupted again; seemed they were both developing habits that night. “Don't tell me you haven't thought about it to help your parents with costs.”

“Well, yes, but it would be dishonest to take it if I can't perform how they expect.”

“I told you already: Makoto is a great swimmer.” Haru's lips fell from their determined line to a frown as he observed Makoto. “Do you not still love to swim?”

Makoto knew it was a genuine question, and an important one, especially to Haru. “I do.” _Especially with you._

“Good,” Haru said with a nod, satisfied with his response. “Then you should still swim in Tokyo.” He paused for so long Makoto thought he had finished until he suddenly spoke again. “And the other thing that you said- back then and again tonight…”

Makoto looked at him, unsure what he meant until his eyes went wide with realization. _He couldn't mean_ …

“What… What kind of love do you mean?” Haru’s expression was carefully schooled into his usual neutral look, but Makoto could easily read the apprehension shimmering in his eyes.

“That’s…”

Makoto didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to lie to Haru, wasn’t sure if he even could- not about this. But the truth… The truth was something he could never take back, never pretend didn’t happen or explain away. The truth was the end of the line, no going back, no second chances. But what else did Haru deserve but that?

Taking a deep breath, Makoto steeled himself, closing his eyes tightly as he forced out the words; he was brave enough to tell Haru, because he asked, because he owed him as much. But not so much as to watch while he lost his best friend forever. “I… When I said I-I loved you, both times, really… I-I meant it as… In a romantic w-way.” He could feel a tear slide down his cheek, but he pushed on, determined to finish what he needed to say. “I’m not sure how long I felt this way- maybe always- but I can’t stop it. I’ve tried- tried to ignore it, to move on from it but I-I just can’t! Haru means the world to me, and I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable or if you can’t look past this. I never meant to tell you! I didn’t w-want to, to burden you. I just- please don’t leave me, Haru, I, I don’t think I could handle not having you in my life- please, you can just ignore it and-”

He lost the ability to form words when warm lips crashed against his own in a hard kiss, eyes flying open at the feeling of hands cupping his cheeks. Haru- _Haru was kissing him_. It only lasted a moment, Makoto barely had enough time to register the action before Haru was pulling back, staring intently into his eyes as his thumbs wiped the tears from Makoto’s cheeks. When had he started crying?

“Idiot,” Haru whispered, and Makoto couldn’t help the confused grin that tugged at his lips.

“Haru?”

“I don’t want to ignore it. I could never leave Makoto,” Haru declared firmly, hands still holding Makoto’s head in place, as if determined to keep him right there. “Makoto is my world too.” The words were quieter, and the dark made it difficult to be sure, but Makoto would bet anything that Haru was blushing.  
  
“Haru-chan…” He might just start crying again, though for very different reasons. It didn’t matter right then if Haru said the words back; Makoto knew anyway.

“Shut up.” The blush was definitely getting brighter.

Makoto smiled gently, placing his hands over Haru’s, softly caressing the skin before sliding them down to grasp Haru’s wrists- though in a much different gesture than earlier that night. He continued to look into Haru’s eyes with all the love and affection he had tried to hide all those years as he leaned forward, capturing Haru’s lips again, though softly, reverently this time.

When they finally broke apart again both were unquestionably blushing, Haru ducking his head to bury it in Makoto’s neck, hands slipping down to grip his shirt. Makoto smiled into Haru’s hair, arms wrapping around Haru’s waist in a tender hug, just savoring the moment.

After not nearly long enough, Makoto pulled back slightly, meeting Haru’s eyes with a small, reassuring smile. “I know we haven’t really figured things out- and that’s okay. We have time. I’m just glad I can be there for you, Haru. And you for me.”

Haru hummed in agreement, reluctantly letting Makoto step back from their embrace. He didn’t hesitate one moment to accept the hand Makoto held out to him, fingers sliding together as if they always had been- and it made Makoto’s heart soar higher than the seabirds that lived around their town.

“For now let’s just go home, okay?”

Haru squeezed his hand, giving him a look that said, _as long as you’re with me_.

Makoto smiled again, squeezing back- thankful that he’d still be able to reach out for Haru in the future. And that Haru would always reach back.


End file.
